I Think I (Don’t) Love My Wife
Mari
Maybe it’s the microcosm of the macro, I don’t know. But recently I’ve seen two couples get real nasty with each other while dealing with RV set up and break down.
I’m on the team of both husbands and wives, but I have to say it’s the men who were doing the shouting. (These are mature couples – 30’s-50’s).
Granted, there’s a lot to setting up an RV, no matter what type of motorhome you have. And sometimes things don’t function properly… which can lead to short tempers. Hmm.
The other morning, I watched out my front window as a couple tried in vain to unhitch their 5th Wheeler for about 45 minutes straight. She’d get behind the wheel of the truck while he barked instructions at her. Then he’d get behind the wheel and shout out the window.
He whacked the hitch, thumped the trailer, pulled forward, pulled back, and still the hitch wouldn’t release.
Expletives were flying. I never once heard the wife’s voice. I felt so sorry for her. (I’m sure I heard the guy shout f***ing b**** at her at one point. Ouch. No excuse for that behavior. Ever, ever, in my book).
Finally they set up camp. The tension was so thick I could feel it clear across to my coach. It made my stomach clench.
See, as a marriage expert, I feel their pain. I wanted to run over and help. Not help with the hitch, but help with their destructive behavior. Calm them down. Offer a different perspective. Give them free coaching, whatever. Anything but sending out this kind of ripple effect into the greater whole.
Anger and blame make us feel powerful at the very moment we’re not feeling powerful. But it’s a pseudo power. We use it to avoid taking full responsibility. There’s usually something about ourselves we don’t want to see.
Of course, in the thick of the tension that the 5th Wheeler couple were experiencing, I reckon no amount of explanation or counseling would’ve helped.
Thankfully, Ty and I moved spots the next day and now have a different view (the lake… aaah!). All I could do for Mr. Angry and his wife is send them my compassion energetically.
Onwards we go.
Do you think having a strong marriage before embarking on the RV lifestyle is important? What would you say are some of the hallmarks of a strong marriage?
What would you have done in my shoes?
Posted on: Sunday, September 23, 2007 at 11:19 am 
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I definitely think that any travel can bring the worst out in a couple. I’ll admit to being shorter on patience whenever traveling.
What could you have done? Maybe offered to help and then used your skills to try and demonstrate a better way for them to communicate with each other. At the very least, the hubby would have been less likely to be abusive.
September 23rd, 2007 at 3:23 pmGreat suggestion, Andy. I realize now I limited myself ‘cuz I know nothing about 5th Wheelers and would’ve felt dumb going over to offer help… hm, food for thought.
September 23rd, 2007 at 3:47 pmDon’t feel bad. I still can’t figure out why they are called 5th wheelers - the numbers don’t add up.
September 23rd, 2007 at 3:50 pmMale by birth, man by choice is one of my favourite quotes (Dr Ed Cole, Maximized Manhood). I can go further and add that if a man doesn’t love his wife, he can’t really love himself either.
#1 answer on both counts would have to be friendship!
Now, what IS a 5th wheeler?
Thanks for a great article!
September 24th, 2007 at 1:26 amI was married only one time for all of a year so I think I’m the wrong person to ask. But I had to say how I am so totally addicted to your blog. Where will you go next? What will you do? It’s like a soap opera without confusing story lines. (I’d say reality TV show, but your blog is much classier than that.)
September 24th, 2007 at 2:05 pm