Our Mobile Marriage Bootcamp - Part 2 of 2
Mari
You may wonder why I call living full time with your spouse on board an RV a "marriage bootcamp." Both Ty and I agree with author, Barbara De Angelis Ph.D, when she says, "Relationships are the best seminar in town."
And, as one of my favorite marriage experts, Dr. Harville Hendrix, says, "Marriage is the best vehicle for spiritual growth." (Oprah calls Harville her favorite marriage therapist!)
[Photos: (L) Mari and Barbara De Angelis Ph.D at a talk in San Diego 1/07. (R) Ty, Dr. Harville Hendrix, Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, and Mari at the 10th Annual Smart Marriages Conference, 7/06.]
Ty and thoroughly enjoyed meeting Harville and his lovely wife, Helen, in the summer of ‘06 at the 10th Annual Smart Marriages Conference. Harville was one of the keynote speakers, and it was heartening to hear him say relationships are hard!
Actually, Ty and I have an affectionate joke about the fact marriage brings up so many chances to look at oneself and learn - we call them "AFGOs." Another F’ing Growth Opportunity. LOL See, when you adopt a good sense of humor, the rest is easy!
As promised, here’s the second half of my Top Ten Rules About Marriage and Living Full Time in a Motorhome. These five apply to any marriage, whether you’re in an RV or not.
- Know your shared purpose. It used to be the #1 purpose for marriage was procreation. Nowadays, more and more couples choose not to have children. Or, once the children are gone, the marriage loses its focus. So, it’s even more important to deliberately choose a purpose for your marriage. Your purpose may change over the years, whether you have kids or not, and that’s okay.
- Practice regular connection rituals. A solid marriage contains many special rituals you each enjoy and come to expect, as Dr. William J. Doherty explains in his book, Take Back Your Marriage. For example, Ty always says the most precious extemporaneous grace for us at dinner, and we do our celebration dance anytime there’s something small or big to rejoice about.
- Conduct heart-to-heart talks. Our friends, Layne and Paul Cutright, authored a beautiful book Straight from the Heart. In a long-term relationship, it can be easy to take one another for granted. By creating time and a safe space for meaningful conversation, you’ll prevent complacency from setting in.
- Be willing to walk. This is a more controversial concept called "walking," described in The New Couple by Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee. You need to be emotionally and financially independent such that you’d be willing to walk away from your marriage. You don’t walk, but knowing you could makes your relationship all the more stronger. My role model in this area is Kim Kiyosaki, Rich Dad Poor Dad author, Robert Kiyosaki’s, wife. He’s so proud that she has such independent wealth. (I got to co-host a radio interview with Robert several years ago).
- Seek help if you need it. If you haven’t figured out already, both Ty and I are seminar junkies… well "veterans" as we like to call ourselves. We’re huge fans of self-help books, audios, classes and seminars. The more we know, the more we grow. (I’m not the biggest fan of therapy, unless there is a very strong match between therapist and the couple.)
- Turn fighting into FUN! Another favorite marriage expert of ours, Dr. John Gottman, spent the past twenty years studying married couples in his Love Lab. After just five minutes’ observation, he can predict with 95% accuracy whether a couple will stay together or not. The key is not how often you fight, but how you fight. Some couples actually enjoy bantering back and forth. And, at the end of the day, they always have fun.
[Photos: Rancho Jurupa Park, Riverside. Sunset 2/22/08 and 2/24/08. I *love* palm trees and sunsets!]
As for our travel update, we’re choosing to remain in Southern California for a few more weeks — we’re headed to Lake Skinner in a few days, then on to Reflection Lake RV Park after that — while Ty continues to pursue real estate investing possibilities.
Ty just got an opportunity to fly to Peru on March 11 for a week with a group of investors to check out a big hotel project! He offered to take me with him… drat, I would’ve loved to have gone, only my big book launch is right in the middle of that week and I can’t know for sure I’ll have internet access and other resources I need. Oh well. Ty will take the camera and get good footage for me to share on the blog with you!! Plus, as I said in Rule #3, we’re fanning the flame by having a week apart! 
Let me know your thoughts about these Top Ten Rules - did you get any aha’s? Can you relate to AFGO’s?
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Book recommendations from this post:
Posted on: Sunday, February 24, 2008 at 9:29 pm 
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Mari-you got the tiger by the tail!
Michael and I are big fans of Harville Hendrix and also Barbara De Angelis. Thanks for bringing our attention to some of your other favorite relationship experts as well.
We laughed hard at the AFGO’s and what a great way to handle all kinds of relationship conflicts. A thing of beauty my friend! A fun yet very informative post.
March 9th, 2008 at 6:49 pm~~~Thanks GAL~~~~
Alexandra
[...] internet access. (The second biggest challenge is what Ty and I affectionately call our Mobile Marriage Bootcamp. [...]
September 7th, 2008 at 2:07 pmHi Mari and Ty. I’m loving the posts and suggestions. I’m amazed at just how much we have in common. We’ve read the same books (so far) and believe in the same principles. We only need to speed up our 5 year goal plan to do this.
We’ll just continue to read so that we’ll get a head’s up for when we go. Our plan is to travel the US and Canada in 5 years, a month (or so) each state and province.
Great Cruizin
Claudette C.
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:07 pm